The Whole 30: A Realistic Timeline

Day 1: I’ve got this, it’s no big deal. I actually feel better already. Maybe that’s just in my head?

Day 2: Woke up hungry, still hungry. I really miss my hot sauces. This medjool date is the best tasting thing I have ever had in my life.

Day 3: I haven’t eaten beef in 7 years, but I think I’m gonna start.

Day 4: So much anger and rage! How dare my boyfriend eat pretzels in front of me.

Day 5: I have finally figured out a way to stay full…avocados.

Day 6: I deserve to treat myself with a $20 sashimi platter. Also, how bad could one vodka water be, or two?

Day 7: Day of rest. Day of binge watching Netflix.

Day 8: Would anyone notice if I fell asleep at my desk?

Day 9: Things are looking up, smoothies galore.

Day 10: I’m definitely not working out.

Day 11: They said this would be the hardest day but I’m feeling great!

Day 12: Being with other people is not realistic. I would rather be home alone then watching my friends and family enjoy delicious food.

Day 13: Celebrating Canada Day! I feel so empowered to be standing by my Whole 30 commitment.

Day 14: I’m over Whole 30. Vertigo so bad bad when I close my eyes to sleep I feel dizzy.

Day 15: Eating Whole 30 on the road is a huge challenge but I am very proud of my plain salad.

Day 16: Uh oh… something is not right here. I started spotting. Turns out this happens on Whole 30.

I’m sorry folks, that’s all she wrote. Yep, I quit Whole 30 on Day 16. Some may consider it a failure, yeah sure maybe I didn’t give it the full 30 days. But they never told me Tiger Blood literally meant blood. No beuno. Sorry that might be graphic but hey, I said I’d give you a realistic timeline.

TBH, I never wanted to be paleo anyways. I just wanted to challenge myself with a new diet. I lost 2 pounds but realistically that’s how much my weight fluctuates in the best of times. I ended up eating almond butter by the spoonful which most definitely had the opposite of the intended effect.

Good riddance, sayonara, nice to know to you. Verdict: don’t do it.

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